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| Grounded. I'll be on when I can. Which is never, but oh well. | | |
| Konstantine
I can't imagine all the people that you know
And the places that you go
When the lights are turned down low
And I don't understand
All the things you've seen
But I'm slipping in between
You and your big... dreams
it's always you and my big dreams
And you tell me
That it's over
Wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clover
And your restless
And I'm naked
You've got to get out
You can't stand to see me shaking
no, could you let me go
I didn't think so
and you don't want to be here in the future
So you say
the present's just a pleasant
Interruption to the past
And you don't want to look much closer
'Cause you're afraid to find out all the hope
That you had sent into the sky by now had... crashed
and it did because of me
And then you bring me home
Afraid to find out that you're alone, no
And I'm sleeping in your living room
But we don't have much room
To live
And I had these dreams, in them I learned to play guitar
Maybe cross the country
Become a rockstar
And there was hope in me
That I could take you there
But damn you're so young
But I don't think I care
and if I hurt you then i'm sorry
please don't think that this is easy
And then you bring me home
'Cause we both know what its like to be alone, no
And I'm dreaming in your living room
But we don't have much room
To live
And Konstantine is walking down the stairs
Doesn't she look good
Standing in her underwear?
And I was thinking, what I was thinking
But we've been drinking
And it doesn't get me anywhere
My Konstantine came walking down the stairs
And all that I could do
Was touch her long blond hair
And I've been thinking
It hurts me thinking
That these nights when we were drinking
No they never got us anywhere, no
This is because I can spell konfusion with a K
And I can like it
It's to dying in anothers arms
and why i had to try it
It's to jimmy eat world
and those nights in my car
when the first star you see
may not be a star
I'm not your star?
Isn't that what you said
what you thought this song meant
And if this is what it takes
just to lie with my mistakes
and live with what I did to you
All the hell I put you through
I always catch the clock it's 11:11
And now you want to talk
it's not hard to dream
You'll always be my Konstantine
My Konstantine
They'll never hurt you like I do
No, They'll never hurt you like I do
No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No
This is to a girl who got into my head
with all the pretty things she did
Hey, you know that you keep me up in bed
It's to a girl who got into my head
with all these fucked up things I did
Hey maybe baby, you could keep me up in bed
My Konstantine
Spin around me like a dream
We played out on this movie screen
And I said,
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
I miss you
And then you bring me home
And we'll go to sleep but this time not alone, no No,
And you'll kiss me in your living room, oh
I know you miss me in your living room
Cause these nights I think maybe that I miss you in my living room
We don't have much room
I said, does anybody need that room?
Because we all need a little more room
To live
...My Konstantine
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| Quotes:
Jennifer Katherine: JORDAN
(^Best quote ever, right there!^)
nrxGIRL2009: oh my god, I swear, if I were a les, Katie and I would be married
nrxGIRL2009: she can read me like a book. and vice versa
Jennifer Katherine: ok don't explain.. leave me to go insane
Jennifer Katherine: ouchkabibble
Allyssa Ohlman: Jordan is a cute whore is pretty hair who has a little girl crush on draco!
Hey man, I went to the Home Depot the other day, which was unnecessary. I need to go to the apartment depot. Which is just a big warehouse with people standing around saying, "Hey, we don't have to fix sh*t"
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck. An arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. "Look at that dead guy... lets go that way."
that was fun. Later, xangaland. | | |
| Bored bored bored.
So I am going to say what I think about the book Petals on the Wind by V.C. Andrews. She's an amazing author, by the way.
Cathy really develops in this book. She becomes more a person, and from her personality you can sort of see then plan for revenge she has set for her mother. It's no surprise what she does, although it could be for the weak of heart. But I did think Paul was cute, if not a bit clingy. Oh, but Julian! Now there's my type of guy! Sexy, smooth, a dancer! Not to mention the perfect way Andrews describes him. Divine. Too bad Cathy didn't realize she loved him until it was too late. But at least she had his son, Jory.
Chris becomes a bit weird in this one, but only because he loves Cathy so much. It's cute, because as I read it, I fell so hard for his character. His only weakness is his love for Cathy! Otherwise he's like... Hercules. No weak ankles.
Carrie is the cutest thing ever. It makes me cry to see the way the kids torture her just because she is so small. She can't help it, blame Corrine. Her mother.
... And Corrine Foxworth. I refuse to even refer to her as their mother. She's such a bitch. If she were real, I would shoot her. For real.
Yeah, if you have never read that book, that most likely made zero sense. But you should read it. Really. | | |
| Well, new xanga because I was tired of the old one. I'll make this one extra pretty later, i don't feel like it now. But the layout is pretty, I think.
I don't have much to say right now, but I am going to copy and paste my last post of my old xanga that I posted about an hour ago maybe? I dunno. But I want it on this one too. Here it is:
You cannot even fathom how pissed off I am. Which is slightly exciting because this is the first time I've come alive in months, but still. Not a fun feeling.
Anyway, I was going through some old friend's xangas, and I cam to a particular person who likes to say mean things about people and not use names. I think I will try the same tactic. Minus the mean part, and more of a defensive rant. I really don't think it's fair to completely steal her game.
Anyway, as you can see a few posts below I had a ranting session on Valentines Day. And as I was reading Ms. Nameless's last post, I came across a reference to a "person I haven't purpously talked to in months". Now, maybe I am being conceited and selfish in thinking this qualifies as me, but how many 'ex-friends' can a person have? So I am going to continue as if she meant me.
This bothers me for more than one reason. A) This means she deliberately came to my xanga and read what I said. This doesn't bother me that much, because I obviously did the same. But it does give a little twinge off... triumph? I dunno. B) Why does she care? Oh, and the ending it with: Stop trying to be so emo. Whore.
Can I start off by saying the offensive part of that is not the 'Whore' part. My friends and I are constantly calling each other whore and such things. The offensive part is the "trying to be emo" part. For as long as this girl and I knew each other, she obviously never knew me.
And I love the fact that Katie and I have been friends for.... 5 months? That would be October, so yeah, five months. We know each other inside and out. I know when she is in a mood and she knows when I am in a mood. She's the best friend I can't remember having. Maybe I've forgotten that. I don't know. If I forgot, then I forgot. What's in the past is in the past.
Oh, and something else? It hasn't been months. I clearly remember a day in January when my mother told me that I should just try. Try and reach out. And so I did. She said that even if I got zero response (I didn't expect any, but I think she might have), I could at least say I tried. So I did. I so tried. I used ever conversation starter I could think of. I don't know if it would have changed if Kayla had been there or not, but I guess we'll never know. Actually, the one-word responses I did get were more than I expected. I think mom and Mrs. P want me and her to be friends again, but I want to laugh. When were we ever? All we did was sit around and watch TV. It was so boring. I'll admit we had our moments, like the time she looked to see how much ice cream I had left, or the time we held that stupid sign out by the road, but otherwise, we kind of stopped being friends some where along the way. I don't even know where, but it's true. We hung out because our families hung out. Maybe I am forgetting something, but I don't think I am. I never talked on the phone with her for hours like I do with Katie. I never confided in her. She never confided in me. I feel more... relieved than anything about us not talking. Whenever we were together we did stupid stuff. I don't feel like shit anymore because of the crap I felt pressured to do.
And, in conclusion (Mostly because I am tired, don't think this is over), what I say on here is more me than I ever was with you. Maybe you think I am being a poser because you've never seen me like this. Not only did high school change me, but also you never really knew me. I felt intimidated by you, and was scared to really let me be me. I know you know I like to read, but did you know that until I finish a book, the story engulfs me like I am actually there? Did you know that I sometimes stay up all night and see the sunrise because my mind is filled with dreams that will never come true? I'll bet you didn't know that. I'll even bet you don't know... never mind, forget it. It's something only Katie and Allyssa know, and I would like to keep it that way. And you might actually know this one. I know you used to cut. I think perhaps you might still. I know you think I did it because you did it, and that's only partly true. I did it because I heard it released pain. I heard that sorta from you. In a roundabout way. So I tried it. I liked how the red marks rose so quickly. I like how I could mix blood and tears, and it was still red, although it was a lighter shade. I liked how it made me feel. Powerful. I stopped for a while. I thought that I was done, and it was stupid. But new problems arose, and I found myself between groups of friends. Did you know cutting can become a comfortable habit? I'll bet you do. It's so easy to pick up that sharp edge and dig it into the skin. It's harder to cry though, now. I don't cry at all anymore. I only cry when I am reading. It's more real to me than reality. Reality is like a whirl of emotions I don't feel, but reading is a blissful release from the world. It's lovely.
So yes, my own rant is coming to a close. I am tired and feel sooo much better. Which is surprising. If it weren't almost 3, I'd call Katie. But I'll email her instead, and talk to her tomorrow.
Nighty night, world. I hope you didn't read that. It just made me feel better, it wasn't for you. Sorry, but I can be selfish like that.
*Edit*
Although I must say, the ranting on Liv was perfection. Not that there wasn't a time when i didn't love the girl, but that really hit the nail on the head. I was giggling until I got to 'Part 2'. Then it wasn't so funny. But still, now that I've gotten that part out of my system, I am giggling again. Wow, I couldn't have said it better. Katie couldn't have said it better. V.C. Andrews couldn't have said it better!
*sigh* I am still sick, I can tell. I am acting weird.
Haha, though! Katie, tell Kevin and Sean and Jerry that they are cutefaces, even when they are drunk.
Isn't that lovely? It made me feel a lot better.
Later days, lovies! | | |
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