well thanx

u rock 2 !

I think I will leave that comment of yours up, just like a left all of your other ones. The ones that really started all this up. I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of. Honestly, I like having them up. It refuels my anger. And I think I will comment you back, because it obviously seems unlikely that I'd reply. I think that I'll mix it up a bit.

I love my family too. More than I let other people know. My mom and I get along SO much better now. It's not even funny. We work out together every Monday and Wedensday and I enjoy it, to tell you the truth. And my Dad. He's the greatest I could ask for. He does EVERYTHING for his family. He's so goofy and fun. Even when he tries to be strict, I know that he doesn't mean it. Spiffy... he's so cute. I can't believe he's as old as he is. He's so athletic and excels is every single sport he plays. He is difficult to understand I'd say... he likes to watch wrestlers kill each other, but then he has this huge love for dogs. I saved Preston for last. Although he may not know it, he's my best friend. Honestly. Since the school year has started, he and I have become so close. He tells me stuff that no one else knows, and I tell him stuff that I normally keep bottled up inside me. He's the best brother and friend I could ask for. I love him, although I never tell him. I've never told anyone that either, so feel special.

I never said that I don't like you family.

I don't regret being friends either. That stupid shit we did IS funny... including how much our parents freaked out on us. I do laugh at it too. I especially find the sign incident hillarious and you can't forget to Porn Store.

I don't know why you felt uncomfortable around me. It doesn't make sense. I didn't want you to be anything that you weren't. I respected people who were different than me, and I still do. You'd think that I'd hang around with people who act and dress like me, but I don't. It doesn't matter how you look on the outside... a sentence you've probably heard over and over agian since you were like 5. If you think about it... it's true. I'm not the kind of person you'd expect to see hanging around people wearing Hollister and Burkenstocks [or however you spell it], but I do. Like I said, it doesn't matter. I would have respected and been your friend even if you were one of those people. As long as you were generally good and nice on the inside, which you were until like... October.

I know I don't open up. I've known Preston all my life, 15 and a half years, and I am just now beginning to share intimate stuff with him. Maybe that's why I'm getting along with my family so well lately, because I've learned to release my feelings. Before, when my mom and I didn't go a day without fighting, I had kept everything all bottled up inside of me. As long as I've known Maggie and Kayla, I still don't open up to them. I mean, they know enough to be considered my best friends, but not some of the stuff Preston knows. I'm not needy. I'm not weak. I don't trust people after knowing them for a couple of months. It takes years, really. I dunno, but maybe that's why people tell me I'm a good writer. I release my feeling better on paper than in actual words.

I know about the extremeness of your dreams and stuff, I suppose. Not because you've told me. But because I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes, sweating and trembling, having just woken up from a dream. I've layed in bed before going to sleep and just thought and planned... daydreaming. I do that every night actually. I've stayed up reading from 8 PM to 5:30 AM because I couldn't stand to set the book down. I know.

I like how you think I have no fears. It's cute. Truthfully, I have alot of fears. I just don't dwell on them. I know that fearing things is completely normal, and that there are hundreds of millions of people who are afraid of the same things I am. It's a normal part of life. One of my fears is being alone. I haven't felt anything for anyone since Greg and I sometimes think there is something wrong with me because of that. I'm afraid that my ablilty to fall for another person had somehow disappeared, not ever to come back. I'm scared that I'll end up not having anyone to love. I just try not to think about it and when my thoughts accidentilly stop on it, I just remind myself that it's completely normal. I remind myself that I'm not the only person on the planet who is scared of being alone.

Well, I read it. I didn't delete it. I replied. Happy?

i might read it so i'm not going to read ur entry even though i have never even heard of the book. lol well the book i just finished is called Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry and it is pretty much really good it's sad. it's mostly about racism. yea good book. well i loved my last comment too it was amazing i can't believe i thought of it. weird. i'm glad you are using the nail stuff and i know what that buffing cream stuff is for. you are suppose to rub it on ur hands and leave it there and it takes off the dead skin and dead skin cells and it makes ur hands reallllllllly soft. kinda nasty but good in the end. well luv ya lotz and comment bac

connor

.... i'm not sure whether or not you would have liked me to read her comment up there. but i did. and now i don't know exactly what to write here. i was all set to comment you telling you how much i fucking hate her for that thing you emailed me but now... god i don't know jordan. i don't know her that well and i think i know you but then i don't really know either. i sure as hell didn't know you back then. i know i think she doesn't really understand you. and i know i wonder how you were ever "best friends" i mean... you don't really seem to know each other at all. i don't know though... that's kind of how katy and i always were.

but i think the real reason i'm commenting is not to tell you that i don't understand you're "relationship" with her... because you already know that. how could i? no i'm commenting to tell you that i swear to god this will never happen to us. i hate fighting like this. you know that from all the shit that happened with liz. it brings me to a low that i try really hard not to be at. and i'm gonna be honest.. even though i'm not sure that's what you need right now.. i'm going to just so you always know. (man i'm scaring myself... i'm never this open.. as i've told you. but then you've always been different than all my other friends. i tell you stuff... for some odd reason. but you know.. i like it) but this is what i want you to know.... you saw all the shit i went through with katy. i tend to drop friends rather than fight with them. even if i think things could be rebuilt. and if she hadn't made that huge step we still wouldn't be talking. and yet.. you hear me. i still talk about her and how i don't want to be her friend. it's because i'm fucking scared. she really hurt me. i'm not sure if you ever really got just how much she did. but then i think you did because you know me better than probably any one in the world. god though i keep getting off subject. what i'm trying to say with all of this is that the stuff that's happening with you and kandace right now couldn't happen to us because a) i don't want it to and i don't think i could ever hurt you like that and b) because i hate being hurt. and my own way of thinking is that both people will be less hurt if they just stop talking. that's how you and kandace were correct? and weren't you less hurt then than now? so if we ever did get in a big huge enormous fight (which i hope to god we won't because i don't know what i'd do) i would most likely just stop talking to you. but then i don't know... because our entire friendship has been different than anything else i'vev ever experienced. because of all my other best friends i think elena was the only one who ever came close to knowing as much about me as you do. even though you weren't there for my past. god i don't even know what i'm saying. i hope you do. kid i just want you to know that i love you and hope this crazy shit never happens to us. because even though i am really pissed at you about the gone with the wind thing (more than you could know...) and i know you're pissed at me for telling you to do something... you're still my best friend.

konstantine is god.

sooo.. don't know if you're ever going to get this but... i had no idea that's what you thought about PotW. chris is the cutest thing in the world in that book. and jullian.. he's just a spoiled selfish brat. a sexy one but yeah, a brat. and i really don't think she loved him. or really paul. she just.... thought she owed them. and bart... bart is the sexiest being on earth. o god. totally swoon worthy. i don't know if she loved him but i sure as hell did. after chris of course. anyway though. i was just rereading your site and saw this. and also... odd... my comment up there... we did fight. i don't know if it was as bad and i really really don't want to talk about it at all but it's just... sad.

sooo.. don't know if you're ever going to get this but... i had no idea that's what you thought about PotW. chris is the cutest thing in the world in that book. and jullian.. he's just a spoiled selfish brat. a sexy one but yeah, a brat. and i really don't think she loved him. or really paul. she just.... thought she owed them. and bart... bart is the sexiest being on earth. o god. totally swoon worthy. i don't know if she loved him but i sure as hell did. after chris of course. anyway though. i was just rereading your site and saw this. and also... odd... my comment up there... we did fight. i don't know if it was as bad and i really really don't want to talk about it at all but it's just... sad.